A birthday is a fairly unique occasion which brings a lot. A lot of love from friends and family around you (and in my case, around the world); A lot of expectations about what the new year brings; A lot of introspection and perspective on how the last year was spent and, if you’re lucky, a lot of Faaji!
I turned 21 a bit over a week ago and I knew I was going to write a blog post titled 21, but, as always seems to happen with me and blog posts, I didn’t have a clue what the post would actually be about. I guess that’s just how things go.
This uncertainty with which I start my 22nd year of life seems like it will be the theme of the year. I have spent my whole life up to this point with minimal levels of uncertainty. I mean, sure sometimes I would be confused about which club to go to on a Friday night or which of these two electives I think would be the right mix of easy and interesting but this will be the first year that I am completely in control of my own activities and decisions.
My time at university is finally coming to an end, and with that, comes… I don’t know. I have no idea what comes next. If life was a movie, the credits would be rolling. But it isn’t. So they aren’t. And life goes on. Now, however, there’s no script, no rules, no boundaries. And its terrifying. Terrifying to know that I’m now walking this tightrope called life without a safety net. That all my decisions from this point, not only could, but will definitely have some type of effect on the rest of my life. No take-backs, no do-overs. But its also exhilarating to have that type of freedom and control and know that I can literally do whatever I want without having to get anyone’s permission or approval.
So from that perspective, the uncertainty doesn’t look so bad any more. I’m reminded now, of a shirt I got at nodeconf earlier this year which simply reads “We don’t know what we’re doing either” on the front, and “&yet” on the back. Granted, the name of the company who was giving out the shirts is “&yet” but the shirt still passes on a powerful message.
Its a reminder that while we might be confused, so is everyone else. Maybe not to the same degree or about the same things but I doubt anyone goes very long without thinking “I have no idea” or something along those lines about something or the other.
And so with that in mind, I can only embrace my year of uncertainty, jumping in head first, safe in the knowledge that at the end of the day, I’ll figure it all out or I won’t but either way, I’ll be fine.