Gidi Guidelines

I spent the end of December and the beginning of January in Lagos with my family and it was, as expected, an amazing experience. I had an idea to write a narrative post about that experience but after 4 failed attempts, I decided to write this instead. They are listed in no particular order:

  1.  If at all possible, just don’t drive in Lagos, save yourself the hypertension
  2. If you do drive in Lagos, remember that most people on the road don’t know the rules of the road and those who do consider them more as a set of guidelines than anything else
  3. Always include a budget for doing people christmas: It’ll probably be your most recurring expenditure. Oh and on this note, try to carry around smaller bills
  4. Patience is a complex but important quality if you don’t want to end up slitting your wrists in frustration. You need to have the right amount of internal patience and external impatience to get what you want as close to when you want it as possible (getting what you want when you want it is generally a pipe dream)
  5. Local flight departure times are really just suggestions that are more often than not ignored. I never actually saw a flight leave on time.
  6. In the spirit of item 5, really, all times are generally just suggestions. Except closing times. Everyone closes on time.
  7. If you’re not getting a table, don’t bother going to the club
  8. If you do decide to ignore number 7, remember that bribing the bouncer is always orders of magnitude cheaper than getting the table. The side door and front door are equally valid entrance points (Try to avoid the window though)
  9. The price of everything (including bribes) depends largely on who you are, how you sound and the strength of your negotiation skills.
  10. The police is your friend. Just that freeloading one that is always asking you for money and free booze (we got past a police checkpoint once using 2 cans of heineken as a toll fee)

to be continued…

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